I was talking to a dear friend of mine today about being grateful and fearful when things go our way. He was concerned that he didn't deserve the good fortune that has been a part of his life recently. He seemed worried that somehow he had skipped a beat or a step somewhere along the way, and around the corner someone would jump out and say "Wait! This is not meant to be your life. Please give it back."
As ridiculous as it may sound, I believe that many of us worry when things are going well. We focus on how we may lose the things we love and forget to enjoy the moment. We seem all too willing to ignore the hard path that led us to where we are, and fret about what comes next (as if somehow, what comes next is something we are terribly unprepared for). It is as if we allow the ghosts of moments past (times when things didn't go our way) to cloud our vision. We remember the people who hurt us and have a hard time trusting the people who have never given us a reason not to. We are riddled with the heaviness of our past defeat and become our own worst obstacle.
The danger in all of this is closing ourselves off. We are so focused on not getting hurt or being disappointed that we fail to put ourselves out there. It is somehow easier to be proactive when things are not going your way. You feel like you can do something (anything) to change the predicament of where you are. However we have somehow convinced ourselves that there is very little we can do to keep things going well once we actually get to where we wanted to be. It is seems as though everyone is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why is that?
Being abroad has taught me a great many things, not least of which is to be strong when the chips are down. As an expat, you tend to feel like things aren't quite right a lot of the time. Most of it has to do with being far from home and the people who matter the most to you, and part of it has to do with learning that people in different countries are, well, different. They think differently, act differently, and behave differently that we expect (or want) them to, and this can lead to a certain amount of frustration.
Being abroad has also taught me that when things do go your way, you have to make the most of them because they may not last. The life of the expat means meeting a lot of people. It also means saying good-bye to a lot of people. Ours is a transient lifestyle. Most expats don't stick around very long, so while making friends can be fairly simple, keeping them is not. We learn to bond over "trivial" matters like "available cereal brands" and relish the opportunity to share our "real" thoughts about where we are. We focus on the things we have in common and use them to create unusually tight bonds. However, we also know that these bonds will easily break. People leave and will make new friends in their next destination, creating new attachments over other matters that you are no longer a part of.
This is ultimately a double-edged sword. We have trouble truly allowing ourselves to open up because of fear that the person will leave, or that you will leave. We remember the many times this has happened before and are bracing ourselves for the inevitable moment when it will happen again. Much like my friend, we seem only to remember the angst and overlook everything we have to gain (and have already gained).
The trick is this: enjoy it while you can. Smile when things are going your well, because yes, the reality of life is that not everyone has it good 100% of the time. That is precisely why we should be grateful when things do turn out and live them to the max. Who knows, that moment might last longer than you think, but that just means you have more opportunities to enjoy it.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
A reason to be thankful
This year was yet another year that I did not spend Thanksgiving with family. Not to say that my family is big on Thanksgiving, it is after all, an American holiday and we are not, in fact, American. I did not grow up eating turkey and pie and stuffing and casseroles. I did not spend time cooking with my mom, aunt, grandmother, cousin while my father, uncle, other cousin watched "football." My Thanksgiving traditions started rather "late" (read: college) and most of the time consisted of some makeshift dinner that had something stuffed (one year, we went with tomatoes). It was usually a smaller affair, but did always include pie. For three (or four?) years, it was just my sister and I (and perhaps some other lonely soul) in my apartment in Philadelphia, just being grateful to have a day off in the middle of reading season and getting to spend it with family (even if it wasn't my ENTIRE family).
However, what I like most about Thanksgiving is that we all take a moment or two from our busy lives and think about how lucky we are. Yes, things don't always go as planned, and sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it's not. Every year has high points and low points and points in between. Nonetheless, Thanksgiving is a chance to give thanks and be grateful for all of the things that have gone our way, (or the things that didn't go our way because they opened a window, door, or opportunity to something unexpected and, perhaps, even better than what could have happened if things had gone our way). Thanksgiving is about recognizing the people who have made a difference in our lives, whether they have supported us along the way, or created an obstacle for us where we learned to be stronger and overcome. It is about remembering all things you love about your life and the moments that are actually worth remembering. It is about focusing on the positives, if only for a day.
So, I say THANK YOU to everyone who is in my life. Because of all of you I am where I am, and I am who I am.
However, what I like most about Thanksgiving is that we all take a moment or two from our busy lives and think about how lucky we are. Yes, things don't always go as planned, and sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it's not. Every year has high points and low points and points in between. Nonetheless, Thanksgiving is a chance to give thanks and be grateful for all of the things that have gone our way, (or the things that didn't go our way because they opened a window, door, or opportunity to something unexpected and, perhaps, even better than what could have happened if things had gone our way). Thanksgiving is about recognizing the people who have made a difference in our lives, whether they have supported us along the way, or created an obstacle for us where we learned to be stronger and overcome. It is about remembering all things you love about your life and the moments that are actually worth remembering. It is about focusing on the positives, if only for a day.
So, I say THANK YOU to everyone who is in my life. Because of all of you I am where I am, and I am who I am.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The Christmas Spirit
Can it be? Has Christmas really arrived? Wow. Perhaps I
spent too much time in a country with no Christmas, but this year I’m actually
really enjoying the fact that Christmas apparently starts in November… even in
China (and particularly in Hong Kong). The fake Christmas trees have started to
pop-up in malls, the lighted snowmen decorate windows and Christmas music can
be heard in every Starbucks along the way.
This is a time for family and friends, and positive
thinking. It is, as the song says “the most wonderful time of the year” and
yet, to those who live away from family, it can be a difficult time. We are
reminded that there are many Christmas traditions we will not be sharing this
year. For me, there will be no “novenas” to attend, no “villancicos” to sing
with family, and no “amigo secreto” to exchange. It is the time of the year
when homesickness becomes a little more acute. The time of the year when you
wish you could do a little bit more than just call home. The time of the year
when you feel a little further away than you actually are.
Nonetheless, this year I get a special present. My sister is
coming to town! While this will be the second year I spend Christmas without my
parents, I do get to share this very special time of the year with my favorite
person in the world (sorry mom and dad). In case you hadn’t picked up on this
already, my sister and I are uncommonly close. In many ways, we had to be. We
grew up in an expat family and moved around so many times as children that we
learned to lean on each other from a very early age. Today, my sister is still
the only person who can tell me I’m being a moron and I will not take it
personally (and sometimes, it even works both ways). My sister is my
best-friend and perpetual sounding board. She is the smartest person I know
(she hates it when I say that) and certainly the person who knows me best. And
she arrives in one month!
Christmas in China will certainly be another adventure, but
I am so happy that this year I get to spend it with someone who understands
what I mean even when I don’t say anything. This year, Christmas will be about
family, even if we are so very far away from home.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Today, China is not my friend
Today is one of those days where everything about living abroad bothers me. I am annoyed at the fact that I can't understand what people say, I can't read the labels on anything, and no one seems to do what I want/need them to. These days happen to expats, and they are difficult to get through. I realize that I am not, in fact, in a country of misfits where no one follows the rules. I am the misfit. I am the one who doesn't belong or understand or see things they way they do, and today that really bothers me.
I want to be in a place where I know what I'm eating. Where I can turn the TV on and watch a show I recognize in a language I speak. Today, I want to go home.
No, nothing terrible has happened. I mean not really. I was sick this weekend, and it reminded me of how isolated I am. I couldn't find "comfort food," I didn't have anyone to call, and I wasn't able to do anything about it. This is the dark side of living abroad. These are the moments when you question why you decided to leave home, to leave your friends and family. These are the moments when you question whether it is/was worth it.
Today is one of those days when I am having a really hard time justifying this to myself. I wonder if I made the right choice. Today I don't like my job. Today I don't like my boss. Today I don't like the kids or their neediness. And yes, I realize that it's not their fault. I acknowledge that being sick for over a week is making me touchy and irritable. I realize that the cultural differences have not gotten bigger or worse, I am just feeling vulnerable. While I know that this moment will pass, and tomorrow is another (and hopefully better) day, today China is not my friend.
I want to be in a place where I know what I'm eating. Where I can turn the TV on and watch a show I recognize in a language I speak. Today, I want to go home.
No, nothing terrible has happened. I mean not really. I was sick this weekend, and it reminded me of how isolated I am. I couldn't find "comfort food," I didn't have anyone to call, and I wasn't able to do anything about it. This is the dark side of living abroad. These are the moments when you question why you decided to leave home, to leave your friends and family. These are the moments when you question whether it is/was worth it.
Today is one of those days when I am having a really hard time justifying this to myself. I wonder if I made the right choice. Today I don't like my job. Today I don't like my boss. Today I don't like the kids or their neediness. And yes, I realize that it's not their fault. I acknowledge that being sick for over a week is making me touchy and irritable. I realize that the cultural differences have not gotten bigger or worse, I am just feeling vulnerable. While I know that this moment will pass, and tomorrow is another (and hopefully better) day, today China is not my friend.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Hong Kong is NOT China
I hate to break it to those of you who claim you have been to China but have only ever visited Hong Kong. Hong Kong is in fact, not China. The official term is "one country, two systems" and how different those two systems are.
Let's start with the fact that you have to go through customs and immigration. And your passport gets stamped, multiple times. In fact, Chinese nationals must get a visa to go to Hong Kong. There are departure forms and entry forms and immigration officials who hate their day jobs. Basically all that's missing the airplane and airplane food. But crossing the border, it is made very clear "we are not like the other side" (and this is true of both sides). There is even a duty free shop! You also need to exchange your money. The RMB is not the currency of Hong Kong. No, they use Hong Dollars. This actually benefits those of us who earn our wage in RMB as the RMB is currently stronger than the HK dollar, so everything seems even cheaper.
Once you do cross the border things are a little "wonky." They drive on the wrong side... I mean left side of the road. They stop at stop lights and people actually seem to whisper under their breadth "he/she must be from China" if you cross the road when you are not supposed to. And the best part is many of them whisper this in English! That's right, it seems as though everyone in Hong Kong still speaks English in addition to Cantonese, NOT Mandarin... so there goes my limited vocabulary... they even seem to laugh at me when I say xie xie "thank you" in Mandarin... at least I'm trying! This, of course, means that I am no longer left to wonder what is what when going shopping.
Oh the shopping. Seems to be the number 1, favorite thing people do in Hong Kong. And by people, I mean people who live in China (like me). Their reason? It's cheaper, and you know what you are getting. They line up to enter stores like Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Prada (not me) and then ride the train back to Lo Hu or Lok Ma Chau (the border crossings with Shenzhen) with bags full of stuff (ok I admit, a little like me). We all seem to get caught up in the idea that our money goes further here! And that they have stores I... we like.
Then of course come the escalators. They are everywhere! And the building all seem to be connected by secret escalators that only the local "Honkies" know about. So if you are a poor lonely tourist (and if you live in China, consider yourself in this category) you can walk twice as long to get the same place, simply because you didn't know about the escalator.
So in the end it is clear to see that Hong Kong is actually it's own lovely little bubble of expats and Chinese pretending to deal with the difficulties of "living in China" when it seems to those of us who actually do live in China, that they have no idea how good they have it. Which is probably why we keep going back...
Let's start with the fact that you have to go through customs and immigration. And your passport gets stamped, multiple times. In fact, Chinese nationals must get a visa to go to Hong Kong. There are departure forms and entry forms and immigration officials who hate their day jobs. Basically all that's missing the airplane and airplane food. But crossing the border, it is made very clear "we are not like the other side" (and this is true of both sides). There is even a duty free shop! You also need to exchange your money. The RMB is not the currency of Hong Kong. No, they use Hong Dollars. This actually benefits those of us who earn our wage in RMB as the RMB is currently stronger than the HK dollar, so everything seems even cheaper.
Once you do cross the border things are a little "wonky." They drive on the wrong side... I mean left side of the road. They stop at stop lights and people actually seem to whisper under their breadth "he/she must be from China" if you cross the road when you are not supposed to. And the best part is many of them whisper this in English! That's right, it seems as though everyone in Hong Kong still speaks English in addition to Cantonese, NOT Mandarin... so there goes my limited vocabulary... they even seem to laugh at me when I say xie xie "thank you" in Mandarin... at least I'm trying! This, of course, means that I am no longer left to wonder what is what when going shopping.
Oh the shopping. Seems to be the number 1, favorite thing people do in Hong Kong. And by people, I mean people who live in China (like me). Their reason? It's cheaper, and you know what you are getting. They line up to enter stores like Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Prada (not me) and then ride the train back to Lo Hu or Lok Ma Chau (the border crossings with Shenzhen) with bags full of stuff (ok I admit, a little like me). We all seem to get caught up in the idea that our money goes further here! And that they have stores I... we like.
Then of course come the escalators. They are everywhere! And the building all seem to be connected by secret escalators that only the local "Honkies" know about. So if you are a poor lonely tourist (and if you live in China, consider yourself in this category) you can walk twice as long to get the same place, simply because you didn't know about the escalator.
So in the end it is clear to see that Hong Kong is actually it's own lovely little bubble of expats and Chinese pretending to deal with the difficulties of "living in China" when it seems to those of us who actually do live in China, that they have no idea how good they have it. Which is probably why we keep going back...
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Night of the Living Dead
This weekend was my first encounter with Halloween in China. I will admit that while I didn't really partake in the Halloween festivities (please read: I did not dress up as a slutty nurse, witch, teacher, high school student, doctor, or anything else that requires cleavage and a short skirt) I did get to see a bit of what goes on.
First, I'd like to clarify that Halloween is clearly an expat activity. It is an excuse for men to dress like women and women to dress up (or rather undress) as what ever they want. People get frisky, drunk and loud. They love having their pictures taken and become best friends with the person next to them who is wearing the same costume (it is perhaps the only time of the year when girls are not mortified to be caught in the same outfit as one, two or three others... and in some cases not even necessarily other women). However, it should also be noted that there are many locals who also partake. I saw lots of witch hats in stores, and zombie make-up on men walking around. All in all, everyone seemed to be making the most of it... then again I was back in Hong Kong.
Chinese Halloween is a bit different. While I was bombarded with emails about one party and another, I didn't really see much going on. No webs, no hats, no wings, no wigs. Of note, there was a mask painting table in the lobby of my office building. No, it was not for children (there are none of those in the building) but for the people who work here. There was some pretty fancy mask painting, I must admit, but I was left wondering, what do they do with these masks? Hang them on their wall? Because clearly they are not going to wear them. It is a question that has remained unanswered.
I also got my own little Halloween surprise. At the end of what was another long night (for those of you who don't know, if I get home by 9pm it's early), one of my students came into the office. Her uniform was covered in orange, but she looked at me eagerly. "Ms. Catalina, I know that you normally celebrate Halloween and we don't do that here, so I made you a pumpkin." And she presents me with this little jack-o-lantern. "It is still fresh, but I wanted you to have it. Here. I even have a candle."
So in the end, while there were not trick-or-treating kids to be seen. No loud busy costume parties to attend. This was one of my better Halloweens. I was reminded why I do what I do, and why I love working with this group of students. Even when they are trying to be adults, you see the child they actually still are and it gives you another reason to smile and get back to work, reading yet another essay.
First, I'd like to clarify that Halloween is clearly an expat activity. It is an excuse for men to dress like women and women to dress up (or rather undress) as what ever they want. People get frisky, drunk and loud. They love having their pictures taken and become best friends with the person next to them who is wearing the same costume (it is perhaps the only time of the year when girls are not mortified to be caught in the same outfit as one, two or three others... and in some cases not even necessarily other women). However, it should also be noted that there are many locals who also partake. I saw lots of witch hats in stores, and zombie make-up on men walking around. All in all, everyone seemed to be making the most of it... then again I was back in Hong Kong.
Chinese Halloween is a bit different. While I was bombarded with emails about one party and another, I didn't really see much going on. No webs, no hats, no wings, no wigs. Of note, there was a mask painting table in the lobby of my office building. No, it was not for children (there are none of those in the building) but for the people who work here. There was some pretty fancy mask painting, I must admit, but I was left wondering, what do they do with these masks? Hang them on their wall? Because clearly they are not going to wear them. It is a question that has remained unanswered.
I also got my own little Halloween surprise. At the end of what was another long night (for those of you who don't know, if I get home by 9pm it's early), one of my students came into the office. Her uniform was covered in orange, but she looked at me eagerly. "Ms. Catalina, I know that you normally celebrate Halloween and we don't do that here, so I made you a pumpkin." And she presents me with this little jack-o-lantern. "It is still fresh, but I wanted you to have it. Here. I even have a candle."
So in the end, while there were not trick-or-treating kids to be seen. No loud busy costume parties to attend. This was one of my better Halloweens. I was reminded why I do what I do, and why I love working with this group of students. Even when they are trying to be adults, you see the child they actually still are and it gives you another reason to smile and get back to work, reading yet another essay.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Chinese Medicine?
I woke up with slight back pain, blamed it on my terrible mattress and didn't really give it another thought. As the day went on the back pain persisted, but with the boss in town there was very little I could do. Then it got so bad I could really sit straight... uh oh... as many of you know I had a bit of an accident a little over year ago while in Saudi, this was feeling vaguely familiar.
My discomfort soon became apparent to the people around me. They asked "are you ok?" I smiled, said I needed a chiropractor and tried to briefly explain what was happening to me. My Chinese co-workers looked confused "Chiropractor?" Yes, you know, someone who deals with back pain. I need a re-alignment of the spine and something to help me with the pain. "A massage?" No, not really a massage because someone who doesn't quite know what they are doing will only make things worse, and I don't have the Chinese language ability to explain what is wrong with me. I need a chiropractor. "You need a bone doctor, we must take you the hospital." What?! No, really I don't need a hospital, I just need to talk to someone who knows about how to help me with the pain. "In China, you need to go to the hospital. We will take you tomorrow. Be ready at 9am" I should mention, that "tomorrow" was Saturday morning.
Great, so Saturday morning I wake up early to go to the hospital. A place many had told me to avoid at all costs. Chinese hospitals, I had been warned, were the place of nightmares and after my experience with the Saudi healthcare system, let's just say I was really not looking forward to this "visit." So we arrive. The driver (who knows everyone in Shenzhen, but speaks no English), my interpreter (a very nice lady who works in the office, but whose name I don't remember) and me (still not quite walking upright). The hospital is packed. There are people in casts who have other people helping them keep their leg up in the air (I wish I could explain it better, but for a second imagine someone with crutches, who has someone quite literally holding their foot so that the person is like stretching their hamstrings and walking all at the same time), there were pregnant women lining the hallways, children running around and the smell of smoke everywhere.
The driver asks for directions and points to the stairs. Great. So up we go. First floor, maternity and obstetrics. Clearly not our floor. Second floor, dermatology and radiology. Also clearly not our floor. Third floor, surgery. Clearly not our fl... The driver stops and goes to the surgery wing. Huh? I really don't need a surgeon, I mean I know a hurt back is a big deal, but a surgeon?! But there we are, amid what seems like a hundred people, and the driver just kind of pushes his way past them into a doctors office. Interrupts the doctors explanation to a patient (all this seems very normal to both the doctor and the patient) and then heads down the hall. Another surgeons' office. We go in. The driver says something in Chinese, the doctor looks at me. "Where does it hurt? I hear you were in an accident." I try to explain what happened to me and where it hurts. "Please lie down." He points to an exam table, there are at least 10 other people in the room (none of them hospital staff). I oblige. He starts to pound on my back, "does this hurt?" No, not really. "How about this?" He pokes my back right where the spine meets the hip. Yes! "Ok, you can get up now." Really? That's all? "Your ligament is what is causing you pain and the muscles around it are trying to compensate. You are suffering from fatigue. I suggest one week bed rest." He then mutters something in Chinese to the driver, writes me a script and sends me on my way.
Driver says something to the interpreter. "He struggles from the same pain" she explains to me, "you really should rest." Wish I could, but this is deadline week, so no such luck. We then get my prescriptions: one is for a muscle relaxant cream, the other for arthritis pills (not really sure how fatigue is cured by arthritis pills, so I have decided not to take them) and I'm dropped off at home.
My discomfort soon became apparent to the people around me. They asked "are you ok?" I smiled, said I needed a chiropractor and tried to briefly explain what was happening to me. My Chinese co-workers looked confused "Chiropractor?" Yes, you know, someone who deals with back pain. I need a re-alignment of the spine and something to help me with the pain. "A massage?" No, not really a massage because someone who doesn't quite know what they are doing will only make things worse, and I don't have the Chinese language ability to explain what is wrong with me. I need a chiropractor. "You need a bone doctor, we must take you the hospital." What?! No, really I don't need a hospital, I just need to talk to someone who knows about how to help me with the pain. "In China, you need to go to the hospital. We will take you tomorrow. Be ready at 9am" I should mention, that "tomorrow" was Saturday morning.
Great, so Saturday morning I wake up early to go to the hospital. A place many had told me to avoid at all costs. Chinese hospitals, I had been warned, were the place of nightmares and after my experience with the Saudi healthcare system, let's just say I was really not looking forward to this "visit." So we arrive. The driver (who knows everyone in Shenzhen, but speaks no English), my interpreter (a very nice lady who works in the office, but whose name I don't remember) and me (still not quite walking upright). The hospital is packed. There are people in casts who have other people helping them keep their leg up in the air (I wish I could explain it better, but for a second imagine someone with crutches, who has someone quite literally holding their foot so that the person is like stretching their hamstrings and walking all at the same time), there were pregnant women lining the hallways, children running around and the smell of smoke everywhere.
The driver asks for directions and points to the stairs. Great. So up we go. First floor, maternity and obstetrics. Clearly not our floor. Second floor, dermatology and radiology. Also clearly not our floor. Third floor, surgery. Clearly not our fl... The driver stops and goes to the surgery wing. Huh? I really don't need a surgeon, I mean I know a hurt back is a big deal, but a surgeon?! But there we are, amid what seems like a hundred people, and the driver just kind of pushes his way past them into a doctors office. Interrupts the doctors explanation to a patient (all this seems very normal to both the doctor and the patient) and then heads down the hall. Another surgeons' office. We go in. The driver says something in Chinese, the doctor looks at me. "Where does it hurt? I hear you were in an accident." I try to explain what happened to me and where it hurts. "Please lie down." He points to an exam table, there are at least 10 other people in the room (none of them hospital staff). I oblige. He starts to pound on my back, "does this hurt?" No, not really. "How about this?" He pokes my back right where the spine meets the hip. Yes! "Ok, you can get up now." Really? That's all? "Your ligament is what is causing you pain and the muscles around it are trying to compensate. You are suffering from fatigue. I suggest one week bed rest." He then mutters something in Chinese to the driver, writes me a script and sends me on my way.
Driver says something to the interpreter. "He struggles from the same pain" she explains to me, "you really should rest." Wish I could, but this is deadline week, so no such luck. We then get my prescriptions: one is for a muscle relaxant cream, the other for arthritis pills (not really sure how fatigue is cured by arthritis pills, so I have decided not to take them) and I'm dropped off at home.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Lessons Learned (and Still Learning)
It has been about two months since my arrival in China. The time has been fraught with ups and downs (as tends to happen in life, particularly when living as expat) but I have already learned a couple of things:
1. There are people in this country are incredibly welcoming. They want people to feel comfortable and will go out of their way to make sure you are ok.
2. There are other people who don't even notice there is anyone else there, ever.
3. While they all eat very quickly, they walk very slowly.
4. The traffic laws are as follows: if you are a two-wheeled vehicle you always have the right of way (be it on the street, between streets, on the sidewalk, you name it, if you fit, you win). If you are a car or truck or bus, you have the right of way after the two-wheeled vehicles. If you are a pedestrian, you are in the way.
5. Cleanliness is subjective. Washing your hands with soap is optional, but blowing your nose in public is gross.
6. There is always room for one more in the elevator, you just have to squeeze and get friendly (without making eye contact of course).
7. Hong Kong loves escalators.
8. Wearing very short skirts and see through clothes is totally acceptable, but low cut tops will draw attention.
9. Commuting is unacceptable.
10. When driving, best not to stay in one lane, that will just confuse everyone around you. Also, honking is a way of say "hey what's up?" "I'm here" and "get out of my way, NOW!" How to determine which honk is which, well that is a completely different lesson.
1. There are people in this country are incredibly welcoming. They want people to feel comfortable and will go out of their way to make sure you are ok.
2. There are other people who don't even notice there is anyone else there, ever.
3. While they all eat very quickly, they walk very slowly.
4. The traffic laws are as follows: if you are a two-wheeled vehicle you always have the right of way (be it on the street, between streets, on the sidewalk, you name it, if you fit, you win). If you are a car or truck or bus, you have the right of way after the two-wheeled vehicles. If you are a pedestrian, you are in the way.
5. Cleanliness is subjective. Washing your hands with soap is optional, but blowing your nose in public is gross.
6. There is always room for one more in the elevator, you just have to squeeze and get friendly (without making eye contact of course).
7. Hong Kong loves escalators.
8. Wearing very short skirts and see through clothes is totally acceptable, but low cut tops will draw attention.
9. Commuting is unacceptable.
10. When driving, best not to stay in one lane, that will just confuse everyone around you. Also, honking is a way of say "hey what's up?" "I'm here" and "get out of my way, NOW!" How to determine which honk is which, well that is a completely different lesson.
Reaching the third floor
Last week I turned 30. It's funny to think about how much that number
used to scare me. When I was younger, being 30 just sounded so... old.
There were so many things I thought I needed to do before reaching the
dreaded "third floor." Now that the benchmark has come and gone, I
realize that while I didn't quite live up to all of the plans I made for
myself when I was younger, I certainly have a lot to be proud of. What I
failed to see when I was younger is that life doesn't always work out
the way we want to because it isn't supposed to. Life has a sense of
humor and you need to learn to laugh when things don't go your way.
My birthday reminded me of the many steps (and missteps) I've taken along the way. It reminded me of the many friends I have that have accompanied me along the way. It reminded me of the many adventures that I've had and compelled me to look ahead at the many adventures still left to be had. In my "short" 30 years I have met incredible people, seen amazing things and learned about myself and the world around me.
The day itself started out rainy, very rainy in fact. It was as if the world had conspired to evoke from me a feeling a loss. Undeterred, I dawned my rain jacket and headed out the door. After getting soaked, I reached the subway station. Off to Hong Kong. The trip was uneventful, the border was full of others who like me where also escaping Shenzhen (or so I'd like to think). I arrived in Hong Kong eager to greet an old friend. This friend had flown in so that I would not have to spend my big birthday alone, I will forever be grateful to him for that. And so we did what any sensible person would do on their birthday in a rainy HK, we went shopping. After my shopping extravaganza (I had a dress made), I met up with another friend for dinner. It was supposed to be a restaurant with a spectacular view of the city, sadly the clouds had another plan. Fortunately while the food was not that exciting, the company was great and my birthday dinner was spent laughing and drinking good wine.
The next day, I arrived in the office to find a huge bouquet of roses on my desk. How nice, I thought, I wonder who they are from. Well turns out I am one lucky girl who has amazing friends, because they were from another dear friend who lives in Germany! What a treat and a lovely surprise. The week ended with a free bottle of bubbly at my "local bar" surrounded by my new Shenzhen friends (all of who, as luck would have it, speak Spanish!). All in all, I have to say that while this birthday did not include a big bash, it was probably one of the most celebrated birthdays I have ever had. I can't thank the people who made it memorable enough. All the phone calls, text messages, facebook posts (which I could actually access easily while in HK) and well wishes reminded me that even though I am very far away from the people I love, you are all still very much a part of my life. Thank you for being the amazing people that you are.
In the end, I have to admit the view from the third floor looks pretty good!
My birthday reminded me of the many steps (and missteps) I've taken along the way. It reminded me of the many friends I have that have accompanied me along the way. It reminded me of the many adventures that I've had and compelled me to look ahead at the many adventures still left to be had. In my "short" 30 years I have met incredible people, seen amazing things and learned about myself and the world around me.
The day itself started out rainy, very rainy in fact. It was as if the world had conspired to evoke from me a feeling a loss. Undeterred, I dawned my rain jacket and headed out the door. After getting soaked, I reached the subway station. Off to Hong Kong. The trip was uneventful, the border was full of others who like me where also escaping Shenzhen (or so I'd like to think). I arrived in Hong Kong eager to greet an old friend. This friend had flown in so that I would not have to spend my big birthday alone, I will forever be grateful to him for that. And so we did what any sensible person would do on their birthday in a rainy HK, we went shopping. After my shopping extravaganza (I had a dress made), I met up with another friend for dinner. It was supposed to be a restaurant with a spectacular view of the city, sadly the clouds had another plan. Fortunately while the food was not that exciting, the company was great and my birthday dinner was spent laughing and drinking good wine.
The next day, I arrived in the office to find a huge bouquet of roses on my desk. How nice, I thought, I wonder who they are from. Well turns out I am one lucky girl who has amazing friends, because they were from another dear friend who lives in Germany! What a treat and a lovely surprise. The week ended with a free bottle of bubbly at my "local bar" surrounded by my new Shenzhen friends (all of who, as luck would have it, speak Spanish!). All in all, I have to say that while this birthday did not include a big bash, it was probably one of the most celebrated birthdays I have ever had. I can't thank the people who made it memorable enough. All the phone calls, text messages, facebook posts (which I could actually access easily while in HK) and well wishes reminded me that even though I am very far away from the people I love, you are all still very much a part of my life. Thank you for being the amazing people that you are.
In the end, I have to admit the view from the third floor looks pretty good!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
The meaning of friendship
There are many ways to define friendship. To me, it's not about the
times you hang out with someone, it's about their actions when you need
them most, it's about how they react when you're not looking. The people
who make you smile just by being there (be it physically or not).
As I have mentioned in past posts, meeting people in China has not been easy. I have resorted to means that I would not have otherwise considered, and (I think) have been pretty lucky thus far. In my short time here, however, I have been reminded (over and over) of the incredible friends that I have around the world. The people who have always been there for me (even when I wasn't willing to listen), the ones who know when to hand me a drink, or just give me a hug, the ones who inspire me to be a better person and who believe in me (even when I don't believe in myself).
Friends come in all shapes and sizes and you never really know when you are going to be fortunate to make a new one. Being here I have realized how much we all need our friends and how we all seem to looking for people to talk to (even if you don't say much). I have met people here in China who like me seem to be yearning for connections to someone, anyone that resembles something they find familiar. In no way do I mean to speak ill of the Chinese, they have been spectacular hosts, but in the end they are very different to anything I know (and as it turns out, I am not the only one who feels this way).
I guess in the end that is what friendship means. It means finding a piece of you in someone else (however small or ridiculous that piece may be). That is what we are all looking for, whether it's in China, Saudi, expat or native. We all want to meet people we identify with, people who understand us when we talk, people to share something (anything) with. For me, it's not about how many friends you have, but about surrounding yourself with friends that are going to make a difference in your life. I think that some of the people I've met here will become a part of that group, and not a moment too soon.
As I have mentioned in past posts, meeting people in China has not been easy. I have resorted to means that I would not have otherwise considered, and (I think) have been pretty lucky thus far. In my short time here, however, I have been reminded (over and over) of the incredible friends that I have around the world. The people who have always been there for me (even when I wasn't willing to listen), the ones who know when to hand me a drink, or just give me a hug, the ones who inspire me to be a better person and who believe in me (even when I don't believe in myself).
Friends come in all shapes and sizes and you never really know when you are going to be fortunate to make a new one. Being here I have realized how much we all need our friends and how we all seem to looking for people to talk to (even if you don't say much). I have met people here in China who like me seem to be yearning for connections to someone, anyone that resembles something they find familiar. In no way do I mean to speak ill of the Chinese, they have been spectacular hosts, but in the end they are very different to anything I know (and as it turns out, I am not the only one who feels this way).
I guess in the end that is what friendship means. It means finding a piece of you in someone else (however small or ridiculous that piece may be). That is what we are all looking for, whether it's in China, Saudi, expat or native. We all want to meet people we identify with, people who understand us when we talk, people to share something (anything) with. For me, it's not about how many friends you have, but about surrounding yourself with friends that are going to make a difference in your life. I think that some of the people I've met here will become a part of that group, and not a moment too soon.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The webs we weave
As I packed my suitcases for China, I thought of the countless other suitcases I have packed (and unpacked) over the years. Every suitcase is another story, another opportunity for new experiences and meeting new people. I think about the many people I have met along the way and how their stories have influenced and changed mine.
My first week in China was no exception. I arrived to meet a group of excited and engaging individuals (most of which have only just graduated from college and so have the anxious "get-up and go" mentality we all did when it was time to start our first job). The week was full of events where we got to know each other and started to become familiar with the country we will be calling home.
It is fun to look back at how much I've changed (and grown) since I graduated from college. Even more remarkable is how much I've changed since high school. Now that I'm surrounded by high school students, I am reminded of my own college application process and all the expectations and dreams I had for my life. I remember the hopeful expectation that my life would change, and what those changes would encompass.
I was, like so many high school students, convinced I knew more than most and that everything would go swimmingly. My senior year in high school was just the beginning of what would be an amazing journey (but certainly not an easy one). Senior year was full of ups and downs. I made new friends, I lost old ones. I faced the reality that things would never be same after graduation and had to grow up a bit when adversity afflicted my family. I learned that its the things you don't plan for that end up having some of the biggest influences on your life. I learned that who you are is actually tied into where you grew up and the people who surrounded you then. I learned that saying good-bye doesn't have to be forever and that having a few really good friends is more valuable than having many acquaintances. High school was what it is for so many of us, a blur of emotions and moments that I don't really want to experience again, but am glad happened.
Over 11 years later and 7000 miles away, those lessons are with me still. What started as a naivete, turned into stubbornness and eventually became acceptance. My life certainly did not turn out the way I pictured it back in high school, but I can honestly say I don't regret any of it. I grew from it all and it has all added to who I am today (and if I do say so myself, I think I'm better person than I was back in high school).
My first week in China was no exception. I arrived to meet a group of excited and engaging individuals (most of which have only just graduated from college and so have the anxious "get-up and go" mentality we all did when it was time to start our first job). The week was full of events where we got to know each other and started to become familiar with the country we will be calling home.
It is fun to look back at how much I've changed (and grown) since I graduated from college. Even more remarkable is how much I've changed since high school. Now that I'm surrounded by high school students, I am reminded of my own college application process and all the expectations and dreams I had for my life. I remember the hopeful expectation that my life would change, and what those changes would encompass.
I was, like so many high school students, convinced I knew more than most and that everything would go swimmingly. My senior year in high school was just the beginning of what would be an amazing journey (but certainly not an easy one). Senior year was full of ups and downs. I made new friends, I lost old ones. I faced the reality that things would never be same after graduation and had to grow up a bit when adversity afflicted my family. I learned that its the things you don't plan for that end up having some of the biggest influences on your life. I learned that who you are is actually tied into where you grew up and the people who surrounded you then. I learned that saying good-bye doesn't have to be forever and that having a few really good friends is more valuable than having many acquaintances. High school was what it is for so many of us, a blur of emotions and moments that I don't really want to experience again, but am glad happened.
Over 11 years later and 7000 miles away, those lessons are with me still. What started as a naivete, turned into stubbornness and eventually became acceptance. My life certainly did not turn out the way I pictured it back in high school, but I can honestly say I don't regret any of it. I grew from it all and it has all added to who I am today (and if I do say so myself, I think I'm better person than I was back in high school).
Hope springs eternal
There comes a point (or multiple points) in everyone's life where you stop to think about what you want or why you ended up where you are. The past five weeks in China have allowed me much time to think about the future, my goals, my dreams and how I think I could possibly get there.
While being here, I have stretched myself in all kinds of ways. I have eaten food that I would never have considered anywhere else. I have gone online and met random people and been pleasantly surprised by just how normal they actually are. I have learned to work in yet another culture and among another work ethic. I am continuing to learn how to bite my tongue when necessary and when to speak. I am slowly growing more and more comfortable with myself, my place in China and in life.
In the end I have decided that the only I can do is put myself out there, know who I am, want I want and eventually things will sort themselves out. If my life wanted me in China, maybe it's because I'm supposed to learn something here or meet someone here. Either way, I'm going to make the most of it, and be who I am no matter what and hope it all works itself out in the end.
I guess it all boils down to having faith and hope that there is a plan, even if I don't know what it is. I trust that while I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I am strong enough to get through it and become better for it. Life isn't about the easy choices, it's about waking up every morning and being comfortable with the person you see in the mirror. Life is about the people you meet, both the ones you like and the ones you don't like, and how they influence and change you (or how much you let them change you). Life is about learning from every new experience, be it positive or negative, and realizing that all of it matters because even the little things can make a big difference. I am doing my best to accept that while sometime I don't know how it is all going to add up, I just need to believe (somewhat blindly) that it will.
While being here, I have stretched myself in all kinds of ways. I have eaten food that I would never have considered anywhere else. I have gone online and met random people and been pleasantly surprised by just how normal they actually are. I have learned to work in yet another culture and among another work ethic. I am continuing to learn how to bite my tongue when necessary and when to speak. I am slowly growing more and more comfortable with myself, my place in China and in life.
In the end I have decided that the only I can do is put myself out there, know who I am, want I want and eventually things will sort themselves out. If my life wanted me in China, maybe it's because I'm supposed to learn something here or meet someone here. Either way, I'm going to make the most of it, and be who I am no matter what and hope it all works itself out in the end.
I guess it all boils down to having faith and hope that there is a plan, even if I don't know what it is. I trust that while I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I am strong enough to get through it and become better for it. Life isn't about the easy choices, it's about waking up every morning and being comfortable with the person you see in the mirror. Life is about the people you meet, both the ones you like and the ones you don't like, and how they influence and change you (or how much you let them change you). Life is about learning from every new experience, be it positive or negative, and realizing that all of it matters because even the little things can make a big difference. I am doing my best to accept that while sometime I don't know how it is all going to add up, I just need to believe (somewhat blindly) that it will.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Qingyuan
The hardest part of living in China so far has been meeting people. As I mentioned in my previous post, I work in a office where I am the only person who has not born in mainland China and speaks a grand total of about 10 Chinese words. This makes relating to my co-workers difficult. Add to that, that while they work from 9-6, I usually work from 1-10, part of which happens at a school. The school does have expat teachers, but I never get to see them because by the time I arrive (at 5pm) they have all left. I have always had great difficulty in making friends, and my current situation and work-life balance (or unbalance) is making things worse.
Because of my living and working situation, it was suggested that I join an expat online community. Maybe this way I could meet other expats living in Shenzhen. So I did. I joined a network called "Internations."
I find it particularly difficult to fill out online profiles. I never feel quite comfortable putting any kind of personal information on website that automatically shares it with complete strangers (which is only compounded when said strangers are online and thus completely obscure). But I did it anyway. I was desperate just to talk to someone, anyone, and this seemed like the best way (and the only way) to find said person. A couple of days later, I got a message from R. He said that he was also fairly new to the area and looking to meet people. Sounded harmless so we agreed to meet for lunch.
Turns out R was in Shenzhen for an internship and only had about two weeks left in town. We chatted while eating with our chopsticks. He mentioned he was going to rafting over the weekend (it was a long weekend). I mentioned that sounded like fun.
A couple of hours later I get a text. R is inviting me to join him for the weekend. He has asked his friend (with whose family we'd be staying if that is ok, and the friend has apparently agreed). I have to work on Sat morning, but according to R that shouldn't be a problem. What the heck? I agree.
So after my Sat morning meetings (which actually ran closer to 1pm), we are off. R's friend is J, a very nice Chinese guy who speaks pretty good English. He drives a bright orange BYD (stands for "Build Your Dreams" it's a Chinese car company), there are no seat belts in the back seat (where R and I are sitting), J assures us he is a very safe driver and we have nothing to worry about. The drive is non-eventful, I have my laptop out most of the three hour drive and am busy editing essays. I barely have a chance to look out the window.
We arrive in Qingyuan. We are greeted by J's cousin B, we will be staying at his house. B is married with a young son. We walk up to his apartment (he lives on the seventh floor and their is no elevator) and are greeted by his wife. I should probably mention that B and his wife do not speak English. We are shown to our rooms (I am apparently taking over B's parents room, which makes me a little uncomfortable but am assured that this is no problem because they can stay at another son's house). Ok. We eat dinner and are off to see J's other cousin, who has just bought a new apt in the city center.
Another set of stairs, J's cousin lives on the 9th floor. As soon as we arrive it starts to pour. J's cousin speaks some English but seems very shy and doesn't say much. After the rain, J tells us we are going out for tea. On our walk to the restaurant, I learn that this cousin used to teach English, but that she now feels that her English is quite poor, because she stopped teaching over 5 years ago. We arrive at the restaurant, someone clears a table at the sight of me and R (we are very obviously the only foreigners there, there was a lot of staring). As soon as we sit down, J's cousins start to order food. We eat, drink and laugh and soon realize it has gotten late. We all say goodbye and head back to B's.
The following morning we head out to go rafting. We arrive and see that instead of rafting, we will actually be "drifting." Ok, I think. This will be a nice relaxing ride down the river. I was wrong. We are bussed up to the "loading site" where we are instructed to put on life jackets and helmets. Two people per inflatable boat, so R and I share a boat. We board and are on our way. Down a set of man made rapids! Thus the helmet, and let me tell you, we NEEDED that helmet. After the first set of rapids I had to tie my shoes to my life jacket so that they wouldn't fall off and disappear into the questionable water. I have to admit though, it was a fun ride. After every set of rapids there was like a waiting pool where people would splash each other with bowl and other household utensils. All good fun. By the end, we were soaking wet and smiling.
After showering in the local locker room, we went for lunch. After lunch we went to Felai temple. To get there we boarded a tiny little boat and sailed down the Bei Jiang river. This is an old Buddhist temple that used to be up on the mountains, but about 50 years ago the Chinese government decided that made it too hard to get to for tourists, so they transplanted the whole thing down to the riverbed. While I can't imagine moving an entire temple just for the sake of tourists, I have to say I'm glad they did. The view of temple along the river is stunning and the temple itself is decorated with all kinds of gold and stone that just takes your breath away.
The day ended with our little boat heading back to the city during the sun set. It was beautiful. The sun turned a bright red and against the water and the trees. I closed my eyes and reminded myself that these are the moments worth remembering, this is why I travel, this is why I came to China.
The next morning, we woke up early to head to Guangzhou. We needed to visit yet another of J's cousins. This cousin's wife had just had a baby boy (three days earlier). I was a bit uncomfortable to just show up at their house, but they were very hospitable and even showed us the baby (who was sleeping). We then went to lunch, had tea, were given tea to take home and eventually made it back to Shenzhen.
Because of my living and working situation, it was suggested that I join an expat online community. Maybe this way I could meet other expats living in Shenzhen. So I did. I joined a network called "Internations."
I find it particularly difficult to fill out online profiles. I never feel quite comfortable putting any kind of personal information on website that automatically shares it with complete strangers (which is only compounded when said strangers are online and thus completely obscure). But I did it anyway. I was desperate just to talk to someone, anyone, and this seemed like the best way (and the only way) to find said person. A couple of days later, I got a message from R. He said that he was also fairly new to the area and looking to meet people. Sounded harmless so we agreed to meet for lunch.
Turns out R was in Shenzhen for an internship and only had about two weeks left in town. We chatted while eating with our chopsticks. He mentioned he was going to rafting over the weekend (it was a long weekend). I mentioned that sounded like fun.
A couple of hours later I get a text. R is inviting me to join him for the weekend. He has asked his friend (with whose family we'd be staying if that is ok, and the friend has apparently agreed). I have to work on Sat morning, but according to R that shouldn't be a problem. What the heck? I agree.
So after my Sat morning meetings (which actually ran closer to 1pm), we are off. R's friend is J, a very nice Chinese guy who speaks pretty good English. He drives a bright orange BYD (stands for "Build Your Dreams" it's a Chinese car company), there are no seat belts in the back seat (where R and I are sitting), J assures us he is a very safe driver and we have nothing to worry about. The drive is non-eventful, I have my laptop out most of the three hour drive and am busy editing essays. I barely have a chance to look out the window.
We arrive in Qingyuan. We are greeted by J's cousin B, we will be staying at his house. B is married with a young son. We walk up to his apartment (he lives on the seventh floor and their is no elevator) and are greeted by his wife. I should probably mention that B and his wife do not speak English. We are shown to our rooms (I am apparently taking over B's parents room, which makes me a little uncomfortable but am assured that this is no problem because they can stay at another son's house). Ok. We eat dinner and are off to see J's other cousin, who has just bought a new apt in the city center.
Another set of stairs, J's cousin lives on the 9th floor. As soon as we arrive it starts to pour. J's cousin speaks some English but seems very shy and doesn't say much. After the rain, J tells us we are going out for tea. On our walk to the restaurant, I learn that this cousin used to teach English, but that she now feels that her English is quite poor, because she stopped teaching over 5 years ago. We arrive at the restaurant, someone clears a table at the sight of me and R (we are very obviously the only foreigners there, there was a lot of staring). As soon as we sit down, J's cousins start to order food. We eat, drink and laugh and soon realize it has gotten late. We all say goodbye and head back to B's.
The following morning we head out to go rafting. We arrive and see that instead of rafting, we will actually be "drifting." Ok, I think. This will be a nice relaxing ride down the river. I was wrong. We are bussed up to the "loading site" where we are instructed to put on life jackets and helmets. Two people per inflatable boat, so R and I share a boat. We board and are on our way. Down a set of man made rapids! Thus the helmet, and let me tell you, we NEEDED that helmet. After the first set of rapids I had to tie my shoes to my life jacket so that they wouldn't fall off and disappear into the questionable water. I have to admit though, it was a fun ride. After every set of rapids there was like a waiting pool where people would splash each other with bowl and other household utensils. All good fun. By the end, we were soaking wet and smiling.
After showering in the local locker room, we went for lunch. After lunch we went to Felai temple. To get there we boarded a tiny little boat and sailed down the Bei Jiang river. This is an old Buddhist temple that used to be up on the mountains, but about 50 years ago the Chinese government decided that made it too hard to get to for tourists, so they transplanted the whole thing down to the riverbed. While I can't imagine moving an entire temple just for the sake of tourists, I have to say I'm glad they did. The view of temple along the river is stunning and the temple itself is decorated with all kinds of gold and stone that just takes your breath away.
The day ended with our little boat heading back to the city during the sun set. It was beautiful. The sun turned a bright red and against the water and the trees. I closed my eyes and reminded myself that these are the moments worth remembering, this is why I travel, this is why I came to China.
The next morning, we woke up early to head to Guangzhou. We needed to visit yet another of J's cousins. This cousin's wife had just had a baby boy (three days earlier). I was a bit uncomfortable to just show up at their house, but they were very hospitable and even showed us the baby (who was sleeping). We then went to lunch, had tea, were given tea to take home and eventually made it back to Shenzhen.
Shenzhen
After what can only described as a "difficult" arrival in Shenzhen I prepared myself for a day full of student meetings. I had been warned that the students I would be working with had high expectations and that to them we were already behind schedule (mind you, it is still August at this point). So I walk into the office and quickly given a tour, meet lots of new office-mates and set up for my first meeting.
While I had already spoken to all 15 of my clients over Skype and had been in email correspondence with them for a couple of weeks, these meetings were enlightening. I was able to really hear the students for the first time. They were all eager to get started, and slightly terrified of what lay ahead, the dreaded college application. I didn't really have the heart to tell them that I was just as new at organizing applications as they were, so instead I try to keep the focus on them. I asked what they wanted, what they liked, where they wanted to go... I got lots of blank stares and "what do YOU think"? It dawned on me that these were not the overzealous applicants I had met when working the admissions circuit for Penn, these were a totally different type of kid.
Now I know that some of you may be thinking, "What did you expect Cata?" and the truth is I'm not sure what I expected, but this wasn't it. These are kids that are put under ENORMOUS amounts of pressure to succeed, but at the end of the day have a hard time expressing what they like and why. It's like they have a hive community where thinking as an individual is discouraged, and this is totally thrown me for a loop. I am not in the business of telling kids where to apply, what major to study or what to write their essays about, but to many of them it seemed like this was exactly the kind of "advice" they were looking for. Oh boy. So my job for that week basically was about managing expectations. Explaining (in as much as I could) that I would help guide them to the edge, but it was up to them to jump.
In addition to this new way of thinking of college counseling and working with high strung kids, I was also under pressure from my office to find an apartment. Ordinarily this would not be a terribly difficult thing to do, and I had been with some of my colleagues in Shanghai while they looked for theirs, and the market didn't seem too bad. Boy was I wrong. Before the excursion began, I was asked "what are you looking for?" I thought my request was simple enough, I need one bedroom, a kitchen where there is room to cook and a bathroom that has a separate shower (in case you didn't know, there are lots of bathrooms here in China where the shower is simply a handle hanging over the toilet, so in essence the whole bathroom is the shower and you have to maneuver yourself around said toilet in order to bathe properly). "Ok" and off we went.
I should mention that in order to find an apartment in China you have to go through an agent, and there are TONS of agents EVERYWHERE. The only trouble I had was that most of them speak absolutely no English. So my office colleague volunteered to translate for me. The first apartment we saw was near the hotel I was staying at. I was told that it was supposed to be "very nice." We walk in, I very quickly realize that my definition of "very nice" and the agent's definition of "very nice" are VERY different. The apartment is dirty, but more than that the kitchen is about the size of a broom closet and the fridge is places somewhere in the living room. I look at my colleague, this is nice? What happened to my requests? How exactly am I supposed to cook in this kitchen? He shrugs, says something to the agent in Chinese and we leave the apartment. The next is worse. The third one is a repetition of the second. The fourth one doesn't even have shower. I'm starting to get really frustrated.
Three days go by and the "office manager" comes to my desk. "I hear you are having a hard time find an apartment. Sounds like that you have very high standards" Now I'm willing to chalk this up to a 'lost in translation' kind of deal, but I'm about to lose it at this point. By now, I have realized that no one seems willing to listen to me, and why should they, I am the only foreigner in the office, they've never had to deal with someone like me before, they don't know what to do with me. And to make matters worse, I'm not staying for long. Friday rolls around and I email my boss, we need to talk. He calls asks me how I'm doing, I say I've been better and this sets the tone for what comes next. I'm frustrated, exhausted (I've been working late and hunting for apartments in the morning) and feeling completely isolated. I agreed to come to Shenzhen for the benefit of the kids and am now feeling like this was a HUGE mistake. My boss seems to realize that I am about two days from just calling it quits. He says he is going to make some calls. I say I'm going to look for apartments in the expat neighborhood (which is an hour away from the office and two hours away from the school).
Monday, I have found an apartment in the expat neighborhood that fits the budget I've been allocated. I tell the office. They look at me in horror. "You want to live in WHICH neighborhood? But that's an hour commute!!!" I know, but it's the only apartment I've seen (and by this time I've seen like 25 apartments in about 5 days) that fits my requirements and where I don't feel like a fish out of water. I need to meet people and make friends, and I can't do that in an office where no one really talks to me because they don't want to have to talk in English. They look upset. "We need to make a call." Ok. Off they go. Two hours they come back, "we want you to look at a couple more apartments." Why? "Becuase they are closer to the office and we think it will be better." Fine.
Tuesday morning, I see the same agent, same colleague and we are in a new apartment complex. "This place looks more expensive" my colleague tells me, "maybe the VP upped your budget." I sigh. We open the first apartment, more of the same, bathroom/shower/ toilet situation. Then the second apartment. The first thing I noticed was the light, I had been so focused on the kitchen and bathroom in other places I hadn't even considered how dark they were, but this place had windows. Then I noticed the kitchen. It was actually a full blown kitchen. Final test, the bathroom, there is a shower curtain separating the "shower" from the rest of the bathroom, not my favorite (particularly considering that it is about a foot short) but better than any of the other ones I've seen. All three men look at me, "well?" Sure. When can I move in?
While I had already spoken to all 15 of my clients over Skype and had been in email correspondence with them for a couple of weeks, these meetings were enlightening. I was able to really hear the students for the first time. They were all eager to get started, and slightly terrified of what lay ahead, the dreaded college application. I didn't really have the heart to tell them that I was just as new at organizing applications as they were, so instead I try to keep the focus on them. I asked what they wanted, what they liked, where they wanted to go... I got lots of blank stares and "what do YOU think"? It dawned on me that these were not the overzealous applicants I had met when working the admissions circuit for Penn, these were a totally different type of kid.
Now I know that some of you may be thinking, "What did you expect Cata?" and the truth is I'm not sure what I expected, but this wasn't it. These are kids that are put under ENORMOUS amounts of pressure to succeed, but at the end of the day have a hard time expressing what they like and why. It's like they have a hive community where thinking as an individual is discouraged, and this is totally thrown me for a loop. I am not in the business of telling kids where to apply, what major to study or what to write their essays about, but to many of them it seemed like this was exactly the kind of "advice" they were looking for. Oh boy. So my job for that week basically was about managing expectations. Explaining (in as much as I could) that I would help guide them to the edge, but it was up to them to jump.
In addition to this new way of thinking of college counseling and working with high strung kids, I was also under pressure from my office to find an apartment. Ordinarily this would not be a terribly difficult thing to do, and I had been with some of my colleagues in Shanghai while they looked for theirs, and the market didn't seem too bad. Boy was I wrong. Before the excursion began, I was asked "what are you looking for?" I thought my request was simple enough, I need one bedroom, a kitchen where there is room to cook and a bathroom that has a separate shower (in case you didn't know, there are lots of bathrooms here in China where the shower is simply a handle hanging over the toilet, so in essence the whole bathroom is the shower and you have to maneuver yourself around said toilet in order to bathe properly). "Ok" and off we went.
I should mention that in order to find an apartment in China you have to go through an agent, and there are TONS of agents EVERYWHERE. The only trouble I had was that most of them speak absolutely no English. So my office colleague volunteered to translate for me. The first apartment we saw was near the hotel I was staying at. I was told that it was supposed to be "very nice." We walk in, I very quickly realize that my definition of "very nice" and the agent's definition of "very nice" are VERY different. The apartment is dirty, but more than that the kitchen is about the size of a broom closet and the fridge is places somewhere in the living room. I look at my colleague, this is nice? What happened to my requests? How exactly am I supposed to cook in this kitchen? He shrugs, says something to the agent in Chinese and we leave the apartment. The next is worse. The third one is a repetition of the second. The fourth one doesn't even have shower. I'm starting to get really frustrated.
Three days go by and the "office manager" comes to my desk. "I hear you are having a hard time find an apartment. Sounds like that you have very high standards" Now I'm willing to chalk this up to a 'lost in translation' kind of deal, but I'm about to lose it at this point. By now, I have realized that no one seems willing to listen to me, and why should they, I am the only foreigner in the office, they've never had to deal with someone like me before, they don't know what to do with me. And to make matters worse, I'm not staying for long. Friday rolls around and I email my boss, we need to talk. He calls asks me how I'm doing, I say I've been better and this sets the tone for what comes next. I'm frustrated, exhausted (I've been working late and hunting for apartments in the morning) and feeling completely isolated. I agreed to come to Shenzhen for the benefit of the kids and am now feeling like this was a HUGE mistake. My boss seems to realize that I am about two days from just calling it quits. He says he is going to make some calls. I say I'm going to look for apartments in the expat neighborhood (which is an hour away from the office and two hours away from the school).
Monday, I have found an apartment in the expat neighborhood that fits the budget I've been allocated. I tell the office. They look at me in horror. "You want to live in WHICH neighborhood? But that's an hour commute!!!" I know, but it's the only apartment I've seen (and by this time I've seen like 25 apartments in about 5 days) that fits my requirements and where I don't feel like a fish out of water. I need to meet people and make friends, and I can't do that in an office where no one really talks to me because they don't want to have to talk in English. They look upset. "We need to make a call." Ok. Off they go. Two hours they come back, "we want you to look at a couple more apartments." Why? "Becuase they are closer to the office and we think it will be better." Fine.
Tuesday morning, I see the same agent, same colleague and we are in a new apartment complex. "This place looks more expensive" my colleague tells me, "maybe the VP upped your budget." I sigh. We open the first apartment, more of the same, bathroom/shower/ toilet situation. Then the second apartment. The first thing I noticed was the light, I had been so focused on the kitchen and bathroom in other places I hadn't even considered how dark they were, but this place had windows. Then I noticed the kitchen. It was actually a full blown kitchen. Final test, the bathroom, there is a shower curtain separating the "shower" from the rest of the bathroom, not my favorite (particularly considering that it is about a foot short) but better than any of the other ones I've seen. All three men look at me, "well?" Sure. When can I move in?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Importance of Being Earnest
What is it about the truth that seems to scare us?
I strongly believe in speaking the truth, to the point that it has gotten me into trouble more than once. That being said, here is my truth today. I really don't like Shenzhen.
"Shenzhen?" you ask. Yes, I was cornered into agreeing to be in Shenzhen for the next three months. It was one of those "it's your choice" (but it really isn't) kind of moments. So once again I packed up my very suitcases and headed to yet ANOTHER airport.
It would appear that my arrival in Shenzhen (and departure from Shanghai) was some kind of foreshadowing of things to come. It started at the airport in Shanghai.
I arrived at the airport and checked in with no problem. I found my way around the various security check points and finally made it my gate. To my displeasure, the gate read that the gate had been delayed. So I called my contact in Shenzhen (yes by this point I have purchased a phone... more on this phone later) and told him that I would be arriving about 45 min late. He said he would contact the driver. Great. After about 45 min of sitting there, there an announcement made (in Chinese) and everyone gets up and heads for the stairs... finally the English translation follows. Our gate has been changed. Nothing out of the ordinary, I thought, but I noticed that my fellow travelers do not look happy. We finally arrive at our second gate (it was no where near the first one) and sit down. Then another announcement, our flight has been delayed further. Now my fellow passengers are starting to get angry and a crowd of them gathers by the gate and begin in a lively "conversation" with the flight representative. Ok, they are simply trying to get more information, I thought, no problem. Well, to my surprise, suddenly I hear this "conversation" and overflowed to a full blown argument, people are yelling (in Chinese, which when you don't speak the language just makes them sound even more angry). Then, the announcement. Our flight has been delayed, indefinitely. Huh? So now I try to mosey over to the counter and see that once again, everyone is leaving. I look at the one other white person I can find, he shrugs his shoulders and just says "we should follow the crowd." We do, all the way back to the check-in counters! Back at the check-in counters, more yelling, very boisterous and angry yelling. Finally, after switching line about three different times and getting multiple calls from my office asking me what is going one (and me trying to explain that all announcement thus far have been made in Chinese, a language, I don't yet understand), a nice Korean man translates for me (or rather has his friend translate for him who in turn translates for me). Our plane has some sort of "technical malfunction" and "should be departing" 3 hours behind schedule. The yelling is because people with luggage are not being allowed to change their flights. The yelling has worked apparently, and now people with luggage (like me) are being allowed to switch their flights. So I do. Several translations, interpretations and phone calls later, I go through security again and find my gate (again). This time, the plane leaves on time and I arrive in Shenzhen 2.5 hours behind schedule.
The arrival at the airport is pretty painless and my driver and interpreter/translator are waiting for me at the gate. We drive for almost 45 minutes and arrive at my hotel (which has been selected for me because "it is very close to the office"). I walk in the hotel room and the first thing I notice is the bathroom and the condoms for sale on the counter. I then notice how the walls seems to have remnants of something on them, the carpets look like they haven't been washed in years and the upholstery on the chair is, well, dirty. I don't want to touch anything, I don't even take off my shoes to shower. It is BAD. I call my sister in a bit of a panic, maybe I won't be staying in China that long after all.
The next morning I call my translator (he has said that if I need anything while in Shenzhen that he will be the person to help me get it). I say good morning and say that I need to talk about the hotel. "It is pretty bad, right?" he asks. YES. "We will find you another one." Great, although why they thought I would want to stay here in the first is beyond me. So the driver comes back, and takes me and my luggage to another hotel that "very close to the office." This one is much better.
And so Shenzhen begins.
I strongly believe in speaking the truth, to the point that it has gotten me into trouble more than once. That being said, here is my truth today. I really don't like Shenzhen.
"Shenzhen?" you ask. Yes, I was cornered into agreeing to be in Shenzhen for the next three months. It was one of those "it's your choice" (but it really isn't) kind of moments. So once again I packed up my very suitcases and headed to yet ANOTHER airport.
It would appear that my arrival in Shenzhen (and departure from Shanghai) was some kind of foreshadowing of things to come. It started at the airport in Shanghai.
I arrived at the airport and checked in with no problem. I found my way around the various security check points and finally made it my gate. To my displeasure, the gate read that the gate had been delayed. So I called my contact in Shenzhen (yes by this point I have purchased a phone... more on this phone later) and told him that I would be arriving about 45 min late. He said he would contact the driver. Great. After about 45 min of sitting there, there an announcement made (in Chinese) and everyone gets up and heads for the stairs... finally the English translation follows. Our gate has been changed. Nothing out of the ordinary, I thought, but I noticed that my fellow travelers do not look happy. We finally arrive at our second gate (it was no where near the first one) and sit down. Then another announcement, our flight has been delayed further. Now my fellow passengers are starting to get angry and a crowd of them gathers by the gate and begin in a lively "conversation" with the flight representative. Ok, they are simply trying to get more information, I thought, no problem. Well, to my surprise, suddenly I hear this "conversation" and overflowed to a full blown argument, people are yelling (in Chinese, which when you don't speak the language just makes them sound even more angry). Then, the announcement. Our flight has been delayed, indefinitely. Huh? So now I try to mosey over to the counter and see that once again, everyone is leaving. I look at the one other white person I can find, he shrugs his shoulders and just says "we should follow the crowd." We do, all the way back to the check-in counters! Back at the check-in counters, more yelling, very boisterous and angry yelling. Finally, after switching line about three different times and getting multiple calls from my office asking me what is going one (and me trying to explain that all announcement thus far have been made in Chinese, a language, I don't yet understand), a nice Korean man translates for me (or rather has his friend translate for him who in turn translates for me). Our plane has some sort of "technical malfunction" and "should be departing" 3 hours behind schedule. The yelling is because people with luggage are not being allowed to change their flights. The yelling has worked apparently, and now people with luggage (like me) are being allowed to switch their flights. So I do. Several translations, interpretations and phone calls later, I go through security again and find my gate (again). This time, the plane leaves on time and I arrive in Shenzhen 2.5 hours behind schedule.
The arrival at the airport is pretty painless and my driver and interpreter/translator are waiting for me at the gate. We drive for almost 45 minutes and arrive at my hotel (which has been selected for me because "it is very close to the office"). I walk in the hotel room and the first thing I notice is the bathroom and the condoms for sale on the counter. I then notice how the walls seems to have remnants of something on them, the carpets look like they haven't been washed in years and the upholstery on the chair is, well, dirty. I don't want to touch anything, I don't even take off my shoes to shower. It is BAD. I call my sister in a bit of a panic, maybe I won't be staying in China that long after all.
The next morning I call my translator (he has said that if I need anything while in Shenzhen that he will be the person to help me get it). I say good morning and say that I need to talk about the hotel. "It is pretty bad, right?" he asks. YES. "We will find you another one." Great, although why they thought I would want to stay here in the first is beyond me. So the driver comes back, and takes me and my luggage to another hotel that "very close to the office." This one is much better.
And so Shenzhen begins.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
And so it begins...
The countdown to departure began months ago and now I have finally arrived. It still feels surreal to think that I have just boarded a plane to a new country, a new job, a new language... in short, a new life... again.
There is something to be said about travel. The excitement of arriving somewhere new, the despair of having to fly coach for 14 hours, everything seems to coalesce into one giant ball of emotions that you don't really know what to do with. Add to that a 12 hour time difference and serious jet-lag and you have me today. However, I think ultimately I am happy and looking forward to getting started.
So the trip itself was pretty uneventful. The flight from FLL to ERW was on time, my connection in Newark could not have been time better (I quite literally got off my plane from Florida, walked to the new gate and was called to board as I walked up to the counter). The flight to Shanghai was long (and I was in the middle seat to boot!) but the movie selection was quite extensive, so I made do. Arriving in Shanghai, I looked over my neighbor and out the airplane window and it seemed as though the city just went on forever. Block after block of buildings and houses of all shapes and sizes covered everything in sight.
Once we arrived at the hotel, we agreed to meet up for dinner (it was about 4pm at this point). We met in the lobby (there were 9 of us) and walked into a mall. Apparently a lot of the "good" restaurants in this area are actually attached to malls. These malls have floors that are dedicated to such restaurants and there can be between 3 or 5 restaurants on a given floor (these floors tend to be above the stores). We ate and drank (horray for living in a country where you can legally consume alcohol!) and talked for hours. It was great to get to know these people and realize that I am going to have some pretty amazing co-workers.
All in all, I think we are off to a good start and I am very much looking forward to what tomorrow might bring.
There is something to be said about travel. The excitement of arriving somewhere new, the despair of having to fly coach for 14 hours, everything seems to coalesce into one giant ball of emotions that you don't really know what to do with. Add to that a 12 hour time difference and serious jet-lag and you have me today. However, I think ultimately I am happy and looking forward to getting started.
So the trip itself was pretty uneventful. The flight from FLL to ERW was on time, my connection in Newark could not have been time better (I quite literally got off my plane from Florida, walked to the new gate and was called to board as I walked up to the counter). The flight to Shanghai was long (and I was in the middle seat to boot!) but the movie selection was quite extensive, so I made do. Arriving in Shanghai, I looked over my neighbor and out the airplane window and it seemed as though the city just went on forever. Block after block of buildings and houses of all shapes and sizes covered everything in sight.
Once we arrived at the hotel, we agreed to meet up for dinner (it was about 4pm at this point). We met in the lobby (there were 9 of us) and walked into a mall. Apparently a lot of the "good" restaurants in this area are actually attached to malls. These malls have floors that are dedicated to such restaurants and there can be between 3 or 5 restaurants on a given floor (these floors tend to be above the stores). We ate and drank (horray for living in a country where you can legally consume alcohol!) and talked for hours. It was great to get to know these people and realize that I am going to have some pretty amazing co-workers.
All in all, I think we are off to a good start and I am very much looking forward to what tomorrow might bring.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Risky Business
The fear of the unknown is something I (and most people?) constantly struggle with. I don't like not knowing what is going to happen next, what I should do to prepare (if anything) and whether it will indeed "all work out in the end." The truth, however, is that life is a series of unknown events (that is of course until we are actually living through them). It is impossible to know if that new job is going to work out as planned, or if that new city will have the quality of life you are looking for. Even more, we cannot foresee the people who will come into our lives or what effect they might have. However, I also believe that if we all "hold the keys to our own destiny" and we can all "make the most of a bad situation" then it should stand to reason that the unknown really shouldn't be that scary.
Personally I think people are the biggest of the unknown variables. If we don't know how we are going to react to something tomorrow, then how on earth could we expect to know how someone else might react? I had mentioned in a previous post that we must all be careful not to delegate magical/mystical properties to people we have just met. I mentioned how the illusions we create of others are ultimately our undoing because we disappoint ourselves when the illusion doesn't match reality. But this does not mean that we should close ourselves off to people or experiences. In fact, while there are people who will disappoint you and maybe even hurt you, there are also people who will help us to grow and become the people we were meant to be. There are people who will come into your life when you least expect them and change you forever. There are experiences that may seem what we want at first but actually play out better than you ever could have imagined.
Living is risky business, but I think it is important to realize not everything has to be planned, not everyone is going to react they we want to expect them to and that is ok. Life is about the unforeseen moments that shape what comes next and it is how we handle them that makes all the difference.
Personally I think people are the biggest of the unknown variables. If we don't know how we are going to react to something tomorrow, then how on earth could we expect to know how someone else might react? I had mentioned in a previous post that we must all be careful not to delegate magical/mystical properties to people we have just met. I mentioned how the illusions we create of others are ultimately our undoing because we disappoint ourselves when the illusion doesn't match reality. But this does not mean that we should close ourselves off to people or experiences. In fact, while there are people who will disappoint you and maybe even hurt you, there are also people who will help us to grow and become the people we were meant to be. There are people who will come into your life when you least expect them and change you forever. There are experiences that may seem what we want at first but actually play out better than you ever could have imagined.
Living is risky business, but I think it is important to realize not everything has to be planned, not everyone is going to react they we want to expect them to and that is ok. Life is about the unforeseen moments that shape what comes next and it is how we handle them that makes all the difference.
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