The Problem with Perfection

Today I was having a conversation about the pursuit of perfection and the problems that inevitably arise as a result. We seem so focused on searching for the perfect job, the perfect date, the perfect place, the perfect moment... basically we all seem to want "the perfect life." But does anyone of us really know what "perfect" is? It seems to me that people are so focused on the ideal of a perfect something they all end up feeling inadequate because they cannot achieve those ridiculously ambitious goals. No, I'm not saying that people should stop trying their best, nor am I saying that people can't continue to grow and improve and be better, but perfect... that's where I think we need to draw the line.

This desperate attempt to capture perfection concerns me greatly when I talk to my students. They seem to have been brainwashed into believing that perfect can happen and so they all walk around feeling inadequate because they have already failed and, naturally, they are also the only person they know who is incapable of achieving that mystical perfection. They are so caught up in appearances that they have stopped talking to each other, they have stopped focusing on what they have done well and choose instead to only focus on what they need to do better. Again, I emphasize that I do believe that people (and I include teenagers in this group) should be constantly pushing their boundaries, they should be surrounding themselves with people who challenge them, and they shouldn't settle for the status quo because that is how we evolve, that is how new discoveries and improvements are made. What I am saying that people also need to remember to acknowledge and be proud of all of the things they do well, things have already done well, and I fear that not enough of us do.

Instead of waiting for an ideal that cannot happen we should be thankful for the moments that have helped us to change, learn, and improve. We need to be thankful for moments and the people within them, brief as some of them may be. The influence a person or experience can have is not directly correlated to the amount of time they were in your life. Sometimes all it takes is a year, a month, a week, a day, an hour to make a difference, to help someone see something else, something new, something that will alter them even when/if they may not see it at that particular moment in time. Sometimes we need to be reminded of certain things, we need to have our faith restored in others, or even in ourselves and in many ways, it's the fleeting moments that allow us to do just that.

I think, perhaps, we need to redefine (or maybe even define for the first time) exactly what "perfection" is. It should not be the absence of mistakes, but rather what we choose to do after those mistakes have been made. We should focus more on the journey, the people met along the way, and the accomplishments we've shared. We need to help our young people be proud of what they have so that they will take pride in what they can accomplish next. We need to empower them to take risks and be able to accept that that some of them will not work out the way that they expect, and that is ok. They need to know that when things don't work out quite as they have planned, it does not mean they have failed, instead it means that they now have an opportunity to try something new, meet someone new, go somewhere new, and always continue to grow, learn, and change.

I hope we can help each other see that no one is perfect, but happiness does not depend on perfection. We all have weaknesses, but we also all have strengths. We need to work together, to help each other out so that we can all start focusing on the things that matter and leave "perfection" out of it. 

Take 2

It has been a long time since I've actually taken the time to write on this blog. I think perhaps it was a matter of complacency. I started the blog as a way to reach out to people who were very far away. It was my attempt at sharing stories and moments in real(ish) time so that they could (in some small way) accompany me on this journey. And then I moved to Taiwan and it seemed as though the stories worth talking about were no longer a part of my life, so I stopped writing, I stopped sharing.

Please don't misunderstand, I honestly believe that my decision to move to Taiwan was one of the better decisions I've made in my adult life. I have grown as a person in ways I never could have expected. It is as if finally being comfortable with my job and knowing that I was doing a good job allowed me to focus on the many other aspects of my life that had been left waning. I was finally able to see the good in my life as opposed to focusing on the bad, and I think we can all attest that many times this blog served as a testament to that... focusing on the bad.

However, now is a time to turn things around, I want to start focusing on life, neither good or bad, just happening. Consider this my Chinese New Year resolution, to try to share at least once a month on this blog and in doing so I will try to focus on just reporting things as they happen or as I see them, or both. There will be positive uplifting moments and sadly, I'm sure, there will be moments that are not quite that uplifting. But that's life, messy, complicated, unpredictable, and beautiful. So now is a time to start including people in my life, instead of holding them at an arms distance.

In fact, I recently had a conversation with someone about the value of life. We discussed whether there is inherent value in preserving life for the sake of life or not, and to be honest after our conversation I'm not entirely sure what I think. I believe that people deserve to live and to be happy but not at the expense of others, and that is where things become muddled, and where I get confused. What I do know is that there is value in sharing your life and experiences with people who matter to you, people that will help you grow, evolve, and learn. In my case that means writing, because the truth is that this is the best (and sometimes only) way for me to include many of the people I hold dearest. So this is my (second) attempt to reach out. Let's see how it goes.