I find this to be a common occurrence in my life. I am guilty of attaching my own personal wishes and desires on people I have just met. I am equally guilty of then being disappointed when I learn that this person is not who I thought they were (or rather who I wanted them to be). I am guilty of not giving people a big enough chance at the beginning only to later realize how amazing this person actually is and how much I have missed out because, once again, I assumed something incorrectly.
I have also had this happen to me and again I think I am to blame. I am guilty of not necessarily being the "real me" at the beginning of a new move, during those difficult first weeks when all I'm trying to do is make friends. I am guilty of being more social than normal. I am guilty of pushing my boundaries so as to try to connect with people. I am also guilty of later retreating back to "normal" and hoping that my new friends will just be ok with that. I am guilty of assuming that they will understand that the person they met at the beginning is not, in fact, the most accurate version of me. I am guilty of giving off the "wrong" first impression.
And so, I'm left to wonder what I should have or could do differently. I am naturally a very shy person, I have a hard time opening up and allowing people to get close to me. I realize this doesn't necessarily make a lot of sense given that I have moved so many times and have had to make new friends more often than most. However, to me, this is one of those instances where practice does not make perfect. It doesn't matter how often I pick up and go, it just doesn't get any easier.
So instead, I try. I try to push my boundaries by agreeing to go out and stay out longer and more often. I try to make conversations with people I don't know, people I may not have anything in common with (and thus nothing to talk about). I try to smile more. I try to keep my opinions to myself so that I don't offend anyone. I try (almost) everything, anything that will make the "making friends" process a little easier, shorter, and more effective.
It's not easy to walk the fine line between the friendly-er version of yourself and the truth. I like to believe that I am a nice person, I would even argue that I am friendly (once you get to know me). But in the end, the truth is that I enjoy a night at home (alone) just as much as a night out with friends. I was once described as "a loner who needs people." I think that sums it up nicely, but now I need to work on managing expectations for both myself and those "people" that I need. I don't expect it will be easy. I hope that I can face this with patience and grace (two traits that are not usually the first used to describe me). I also hope that my friends are willing to share in this ride with me, understanding that the person they originally met is still me, even though the person they see now may not be behaving in a way they had hoped (or expected) me to be.
I have also had this happen to me and again I think I am to blame. I am guilty of not necessarily being the "real me" at the beginning of a new move, during those difficult first weeks when all I'm trying to do is make friends. I am guilty of being more social than normal. I am guilty of pushing my boundaries so as to try to connect with people. I am also guilty of later retreating back to "normal" and hoping that my new friends will just be ok with that. I am guilty of assuming that they will understand that the person they met at the beginning is not, in fact, the most accurate version of me. I am guilty of giving off the "wrong" first impression.
And so, I'm left to wonder what I should have or could do differently. I am naturally a very shy person, I have a hard time opening up and allowing people to get close to me. I realize this doesn't necessarily make a lot of sense given that I have moved so many times and have had to make new friends more often than most. However, to me, this is one of those instances where practice does not make perfect. It doesn't matter how often I pick up and go, it just doesn't get any easier.
So instead, I try. I try to push my boundaries by agreeing to go out and stay out longer and more often. I try to make conversations with people I don't know, people I may not have anything in common with (and thus nothing to talk about). I try to smile more. I try to keep my opinions to myself so that I don't offend anyone. I try (almost) everything, anything that will make the "making friends" process a little easier, shorter, and more effective.
It's not easy to walk the fine line between the friendly-er version of yourself and the truth. I like to believe that I am a nice person, I would even argue that I am friendly (once you get to know me). But in the end, the truth is that I enjoy a night at home (alone) just as much as a night out with friends. I was once described as "a loner who needs people." I think that sums it up nicely, but now I need to work on managing expectations for both myself and those "people" that I need. I don't expect it will be easy. I hope that I can face this with patience and grace (two traits that are not usually the first used to describe me). I also hope that my friends are willing to share in this ride with me, understanding that the person they originally met is still me, even though the person they see now may not be behaving in a way they had hoped (or expected) me to be.
