Today is one of those days where everything about living abroad bothers me. I am annoyed at the fact that I can't understand what people say, I can't read the labels on anything, and no one seems to do what I want/need them to. These days happen to expats, and they are difficult to get through. I realize that I am not, in fact, in a country of misfits where no one follows the rules. I am the misfit. I am the one who doesn't belong or understand or see things they way they do, and today that really bothers me.
I want to be in a place where I know what I'm eating. Where I can turn the TV on and watch a show I recognize in a language I speak. Today, I want to go home.
No, nothing terrible has happened. I mean not really. I was sick this weekend, and it reminded me of how isolated I am. I couldn't find "comfort food," I didn't have anyone to call, and I wasn't able to do anything about it. This is the dark side of living abroad. These are the moments when you question why you decided to leave home, to leave your friends and family. These are the moments when you question whether it is/was worth it.
Today is one of those days when I am having a really hard time justifying this to myself. I wonder if I made the right choice. Today I don't like my job. Today I don't like my boss. Today I don't like the kids or their neediness. And yes, I realize that it's not their fault. I acknowledge that being sick for over a week is making me touchy and irritable. I realize that the cultural differences have not gotten bigger or worse, I am just feeling vulnerable. While I know that this moment will pass, and tomorrow is another (and hopefully better) day, today China is not my friend.
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