Ghost Baggage

I was talking to a dear friend of mine today about being grateful and fearful when things go our way. He was concerned that he didn't deserve the good fortune that has been a part of his life recently. He seemed worried that somehow he had skipped a beat or a step somewhere along the way, and around the corner someone would jump out and say "Wait! This is not meant to be your life. Please give it back."

As ridiculous as it may sound, I believe that many of us worry when things are going well. We focus on how we may lose the things we love and forget to enjoy the moment. We seem all too willing to ignore the hard path that led us to where we are, and fret about what comes next (as if somehow, what comes next is something we are terribly unprepared for). It is as if we allow the ghosts of moments past (times when things didn't go our way) to cloud our vision. We remember the people who hurt us and have a hard time trusting the people who have never given us a reason not to. We are riddled with the heaviness of our past defeat and become our own worst obstacle.

The danger in all of this is closing ourselves off. We are so focused on not getting hurt or being disappointed that we fail to put ourselves out there. It is somehow easier to be proactive when things are not going your way. You feel like you can do something (anything) to change the predicament of where you are. However we  have somehow convinced ourselves that there is very little we can do to keep things going well once we actually get to where we wanted to be. It is seems as though everyone is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why is that?

Being abroad has taught me a great many things, not least of which is to be strong when the chips are down. As an expat, you tend to feel like things aren't quite right a lot of the time. Most of it has to do with being far from home and the people who matter the most to you, and part of it has to do with learning that people in different countries are, well, different. They think differently, act differently, and behave differently that we expect (or want) them to, and this can lead to a certain amount of frustration.

Being abroad has also taught me that when things do go your way, you have to make the most of them because they may not last. The life of the expat means meeting a lot of people. It also means saying good-bye to a lot of people. Ours is a transient lifestyle. Most expats don't stick around very long, so while making friends can be fairly simple, keeping them is not. We learn to bond over "trivial" matters like "available cereal brands" and relish the opportunity to share our "real" thoughts about where we are. We focus on the things we have in common and use them to create unusually tight bonds. However, we also know that these bonds will easily break. People leave and will make new friends in their next destination, creating new attachments over other matters that you are no longer a part of.

This is ultimately a double-edged sword. We have trouble truly allowing ourselves to open up because of fear that the person will leave, or that you will leave. We remember the many times this has happened before and are bracing ourselves for the inevitable moment when it will happen again. Much like my friend, we seem only to remember the angst and overlook everything we have to gain (and have already gained).

The trick is this: enjoy it while you can. Smile when things are going your well, because yes, the reality of life is that not everyone has it good 100% of the time. That is precisely why we should be grateful when things do turn out and live them to the max. Who knows, that moment might last longer than you think, but that just means you have more opportunities to enjoy it.