It's not you, it's me

It has now been over a month since I moved to Taiwan. I have to admit that it has been quite the adjustment. Taipei is not Shanghai. Sometimes that's great, sometimes not so much.

The great stuff: I love my job. Sure, there are kids who are going to require pulling, pushing, convincing and cajoling to get them through the process, but most the kids that I'm working with really seem to be excited about going to college. These are students who understand the value of hard work and know that they have quite a bit of work to do to get to where they want to go. It is truly refreshing to be surrounded by professionals who know how to get the job done and who appreciate that we are all in it together. If you can't tell, I have great co-workers. The office environment is supportive, friendly, and runs in English! I recognize the latter may sound a bit odd, but after working in a place where most things were in Chinese and I felt like I was being an inconvenience by asking people to translate for me, it's just so nice. I have also started to make friends. To those of you who know me well, you know this is something I have a hard time with. I don't open up easily. So while, I'm still working on that, I can say that I honestly hope the people I have met will stay in my life for a very long time. We all come from such different backgrounds, but it's exciting to see how much we all still have in common.

The not so great stuff: I am STILL LIVING WITH MY LANDLADY!!! That's right, she has not moved out. No, she does not seem to think this is a problem. Yes, it is slowly driving me insane. The recap, her father passed away and she needs a month to get everything sorted, so the new move-out date is October 10th. I am not ok with this and am desperately trying to find a new place. This is no easy task. Seems like the only places that are left were left for a reason... and we all know that I'm pretty picky when it comes to living situations, thus my constant and building frustration. I know that it doesn't sound like a big deal, but as I was trying to explain to my sister earlier today, it is really wearing on me. The idea of not having a place that is mine, a place where I can truly be myself and feel safe is making this entire process very difficult. I'm starting to breakdown and I feel ridiculous because of it. Point in case, I was at a BBQ yesterday. My friend had gone all out, she bought enough food to feed a small army and I had promised to help with prep and everything else. So I went, but I was probably at my antisocial best (or in this case, worst). I didn't really want to engage with anyone, I wanted to be left alone and I'm afraid that because these people don't know me very well that also means they now think I'm just rude. I'm working on it, and I'm trying to find other ways of releasing this incredible tension that keeps me up at night and has completely suppressed my appetite. I know it will get better, and that "soon" I will find my safe-haven and will finally be able to relax. In the meantime, please know that if I'm a little short, withdrawn, or just plain "off," it's not you, it's me.