Sticks and Stones

There comes a moment when you wonder which is more important, words or actions. We’ve all heard the idiom “actions speak louder than words” and yet are always reminded how “the pen is mightier than the sword.” So my question is, which is it? Are the words we say more important? Or is it our ability (or inability) to act on them that really matters? At what point are words just excuses, or actions just our inability to accurately express ourselves?

China has taught me a great deal of the difference between speaking and acting. This is a country that values “saving face” above all. In many cases people would rather lie than admit that they have made a mistake or do not know the answer to your question. They will sit there and smile and say “yes, yes, yes” but do nothing. Somehow they believe that this is better. The part I haven’t been able to figure out yet is how to do you know when “yes” means “no” and when it actually means “yes.”

I suppose this is true of many aspects of life. How many excuses have I heard that were really just someone’s ill-conceived attempt at saving face? Too many to count. Why does it seem that we all have trouble admitting that things are not working, or are not what we want to do or be? Because no one like being wrong. Why is failure something we are all so deathly afraid of? See previous answer.  Isn’t it true that we learn from defeat? I certainly have (but I still don’t like being wrong). While this all seems like one really good (or bad?) catch-22, it is the reality of life. We live, we learn, we fail, we try again… and over and over again.

If being abroad has helped me realize anything it is that in the end, it is a combination of both words and actions that make the difference. Talking a good game is not enough, but never talking is also frustrating. I suppose it is that fine line that we all learn to walk as we make our way through this life. Maybe it is once we know what the line looks like that we can actually consider ourselves “adults.” And perhaps, that is why some people never really grow up. We need to be willing to admit to ourselves that both words and actions have repercussions and affect not only ourselves, but also the people around us. We need to live our lives acknowledging that a kind word or a hug can really make a person’s day, just like a empty promise or a shrug can break someone’s heart.